Eternal
by Grey Faerie32
Summary: REVISED! A collection of Evanescence song fics. Starting from when John starts to see halfbreeds to when he dies a second time. Please read!
1. Imaginary

**Title**: Eternal

**Chapter:** 1 Imaginary

**Rating:** teen, because of suicide and other things

**Chapter Summary:** Based off the Evanescence song Imaginary. Young John Starts to see half breeds, and the only way he can escape is to dream.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything that looks familiar. I did this for my own enjoyment so please don't sue me

**A/N: **I was once Midnight Moonstar but I changed my name.Okay this is my first fan fiction so please be nice to me! This chapter is in John's POV, I'm not a very good writer but give it a try anyway.

This chapter wasn't beta read so it might have a few errors.

**Yea my first day of preschool, I wonder what it'll be like? **

"John sweetie, we're here," my mommy said. She bent down to my height and with tears in her eyes she said," be a good boy for mommy." With that she opened the door.

We walked in to the classroom and nice lady greeted us. "Hello my name is Miss Ani" she said. All in time span of a second she turned into monster with long white hair with rotting flesh and eyes glowing red.

I clung to my mommy's leg. The thing looked down at me, and for a second you could see hate in her eyes. She quickly blinked it away and bent down and said," Who is this?"

I screamed into her leg. "Mommy, don't make me go in there", I cried.

"John baby, what's the matter?" She asked," He must be nervous" she directed toward the teacher. "Nu-uh!" I screamed," She's a monster!" I began to cry into my mommy pant leg. She bent down and picked me up. "Maybe your not ready for this," she said.

She turned and walked away with me in her arms.

_I linger in the doorway_

_Of alarm clock screaming_

_Monsters calling my name_

_Let me stay_

_Where the wind will whisper to me_

_Where the raindrops as their falling tell a story_

"Don't worry sweetie you don't have to go to preschool today" my mommy said soothingly.

We walked like this all the way to the car. The ride back home was silent except for my sniffling every once in awhile.

We finally arrived at my house. She unbuckled my car seat and helped me out.

My father spotted us as we walked into the house. "Why isn't he at preschool?" He asked. "He's scared," she answered," I'll take him in a few days."

"Jesus Christ, Mary he will never learn to get along in this world if we don't make him do things he doesn't want to do."

"Not now Peter, we'll talk about this later. You're late for work anyway."

"This conversation is not over"

"It's time for John's midday nap!" she said as though that would end the conversation, and walked away.

I yawned tiredly as she laid me down for my nap.

_In my field of paper flowers _

_And candy clouds of lullaby _

_I lie inside myself for hours_

_And watch my purple sky fly over me_

**I wonder what that thing was **

"There you go honey" my mommy said as she pulled the covers up to my chin.

I slowly drifted off to sleep.

_**I was walking down a long hallway and mommy was holding my hand." Are you ready" she asked. "No" I answered. **_

"_**To bad" and she pushed me into a black abyss and it felt like I was falling forever………………**_

**_I landed in what looked like a field, and sitting right next to me was a women with long feathery wings folded behind her. She was dressed in long wispy white dress, her long golden hair flowing over her shoulders, her beautiful blue eyes have glints of gold in them._**

"**_Don't be afraid John Constantine", she said," They can't harm you."_**

"_**W-who are you" I asked shakily**_

"**_I am Aanaya your guardian angel….. I'm here to help you."_**

"_**Why?"**_

"_**It's a gift John I'm here to help you with it"**_

"_**What!"**_

"_**You will see in time." She said as everything slowly faded into darkness….**_

"John baby, time to wake up", my mommy said.

_Don't say I'm out of touch_

_With this ramped chaos- Your reality_

_I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge_

_The nightmare I've built my own world to escape_

. :A few days later:.

"Okay baby, we got you changed to a different class so you won't be seeing that mean lady again" mommy said to me as she led me back up those treacherous stairs to the building. "NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO don't make go back in there, please!"

"Oh sweet heart you won't see her again, I promise"

"Okay, I'll try"

We walked up to a different class room. This time the door opened before we got there. A man that had wings like the angel in my dream; "hello my name is Mr. Gabriel", he looked down," you must be John."

"Y-yes" I stammered.

Out of no where I heard a voice in my head "don't fear me I'm here to help also."

Mommy jerked me out of my revere "honey me and Mr. Gabriel would like to talk why don't you go play" she said

_In my field of paper flowers_

_And candy clouds of lullaby _

_I lie inside myself for hours_

_And watch my purple sky fly over me_

I was in the sand box with my new friend Becky. "Jown look what I made!"

I faintly heard her say but I wasn't paying attention to her. I was watching the monster across the playground. It was her, the one my mom said I would never again.

My vision swirled. Blinding pain.

"**_Hello John" said Aanaya. Her wings were spread as though she were about to take flight; the wind whipping her white dress all around her._**

"_**How have you been John" she asked casually.**_

"_**That monster won't leave me alone" I answered hoping she'd help me**_

"_**Don't worry she won't hurt you, she can't."**_

"_**She looks like she wants to kill me"**_

"_**You'll get used to it……well John it is time for me to go. See you tonight." She said as she slowly disappeared.**_

_**I slowly returned to conscience.**_

"You okay kiddo" said Mr. Gabriel the gold glint in his eye twinkling with concern.

"My head hurts"

"I'll say you took a nasty fall, come on I'll take you to the nurse"

_Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming_

_Can not cease for fear of silent night_

_Oh how I long for my deep sleep dreaming _

_The goddess of imaginary light_

**A/N: **I'm such a sad and pathetic writer! Review, Review, Review! And FYI John is about 2 ½ or 3..

Love always,

Grey

Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of those rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs. I am haunted by waters-Norman Maclean (A River Runs Through it)


	2. Tourniquet

**Title**: Eternal

**Chapter:** 2 Tourniquet

**Rating:** teen, because of suicide and other things

**Chapter Summary:** Based off the Evanescence song Tourniquet. John commits suicide.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything that looks familiar. I did this for my own enjoyment so please don't sue me

**A/N: **Okay this is my first fan fiction so please be nice to me! This chapter is in John's POV. I'm not a very good writer but give it a try anyway.

**Thanks: **to my beta reader MrsShaiLabeouf

And cptn-jacks-bonnie-lass, and Silver Angel 7, Angel-of-light91, TheMatrixHasYou89, and R. Warr for reviewing this sad pathetic story.

_I tried to kill the pain  
but only brought more  
I lay dying  
and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal  
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming  
am I too lost to be saved  
am I too lost? _

my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation  
my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation

do you remember me  
lost for so long  
will you be on the other side  
or will you forget me  
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming  
am I too lost to be saved  
am I too lost?

my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation  
my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation

I want to die!

my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation  
my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation

my wounds cry for the grave  
my soul cries for deliverance  
will I be denied Christ  
tourniquet  
my suicide

"**_Why me Aanaya?" I screamed at the angel._**

**_We were in my usual dream field._**

"_**It's a gift John! Do not question it, it is your destiny", she answered in her unnerving calmness," it is God's will"**_

"_**O yeah, well screw God!"**_

"**_I will stand for blasphemy, John!... You must not give up………….."_**

"John, Goddammit get your ass out of bed, your going to be late for school!" my dad yelled

"Shit" I cursed, and scrambled out bed, I ran out to meet Becky was waiting for me as usual.

"Late again, Mr. Constantine" she said teasing..

"Sorry" I said as I fumbled with a cigarette.

"Hey, can I have one, my mom threw mine out"

"Sure"

* * *

"Jesus" I said as we walked home.

"What" Becky asked.

"I'm so groun……." I trailed as I looked over her shoulder. There was a bunch of rotting demons with half their heads missing. They softly were chanting "Constantine".

**They never gain up on me like this! Jesus, why won't they leave me alone!**

"HELLO is anybody in there" Becky said breaking me out of my revere.

"Uh"

"Well I need to go, take care of yourself" and with that she walked.

I ran into my house as if a madman were chasing me.

**There is no escaping them, is there……….unless…………**

I ran into bathroom and locked the door.

**Yes this is it. It's the only way!**

_**I looked in the mirror and saw Aanaya. "Don't give up" she said.**_

**I have to it's the only way.**

"_**Please" she disappear and the demons replaced her "Constantine" they said softly.**_

I screamed and threw the soap dish at the mirror. "Leave me alone" I shouted.

"John! What happened" my mom asked from the other side of the door.

I picked up a jagged piece of glass from counter. **I'm going to be free. **I sliced deep into my wrists. The blood flowed in rivers through my fingers. **There is so much of it. **My mom was pounding on the door now. "John you answer me this instant, and unlock this door!" She said.

"You're too late" I said.

"What the hell are you talking about" She screamed.

**WHAT HAVE I DONE I'M GOING TO HELL FOR THIS.**

I started to cry softly my mom had evidently not giving up because she was still banging on the door and screaming at me.

**I have to let her in, maybe she can save me.**

I crawled over and opened the door for her. She ran in and didn't seem to see me.

"John, why the hell did you break this mir………", she finally found me," O my god, John!" she said as she rushed to my side.

I found I could only cry. I felt faint and weak. I was on the edge of darkness.

**O lord please forgive me, please. Don't send me to hell. I don't think I can on anymore.**

The paramedics burst through the door frame. My vision was blurring. I couldn't hear anything going on around me.

Arms lifting me on to something soft, I finally gave into darkness.

* * *

_**I was standing of what looked like Aanaya except she had long black hair instead of blonde and her dress and wings were also black.**_

"_**W-who are you?" I asked. **_

_**I am Styx the angel of death; I'm here to collect your soul for judgment." She answered. **_

"_**What no, that can't be! They saved me!"**_

"_**No they didn't, look" she pointed off to the side.**_

_**I saw me lying in an ambulance with paramedics surrounding me.**_

"_**Time to leave; we cannot linger" and she grabbed my hand**_

* * *

_**I was in the middle dark room.**_

"_**State your name" said a voice.**_

"_**John Constantine" I answered obediently.**_

_**There was a lingering pause.**_

"_**You are not in the book of life; be gone from my sight, I do not know you."**_

"_**What NO! NO PLEASE DON'T SEND ME THERE!"**_

_**Demons came out from the darkness and grabbed me; they started to drag me away.**_

_**I was standing in front of a gate. The words written on the gate were:**_

"_**Through me is the way into the woeful city; through me is the way into eternal woe; through me is the way among the lost people. Justice moved my lofty maker: the divine power, the supreme wisdom and the primal love, made me. Before me were no thing made eternal! Leave every hope, ye who enter."**_

_**Before me was a river: Acheron.**_

**How did I know that?**

_**I joined a large crowd of people. For some reason I was anxious to cross the river. **_

_**A very old man come gliding up the river in a boat. He's name is Charon. **_

"_**Woe to you wicked souls! Hope never to see the heavens! I have come to take you to the other bank into eternal darkness, into heat, and into frost!" he said.**_

_**As soon as I heard these words white hot anger licked at my insides.**_

_**We were forced to enter the boat against our will be demons.**_

_**The ride was quiet except for the miserable sniffling of other passengers.**_

_**We finally arrived to the other shore. There waiting for us was a monstrous Judge his name was Minos.**_

_**We were each required to give him our sin that damned us here. Some had to be beaten until they gave it. It was my turn.**_

"_**What sin have you committed?" asked Minos.**_

"_**Fuck you" I replied. I almost automatically wished I hadn't, because Minos uncoiled his long black tail and struck me.**_

"_**Mind your manners, I'm the one who decides were you go"**_

"_**Suicide"**_

"_**You belong in the seventh circle, Violence to yourself and nature."**_

_**I was tossed off a ledge I had apparently not noticed, and was falling through the air. I looked down and noticed my skin began to turn brown and rough. Like bark, and I started to sprout leaves. Down below me was a forest, it looked a though the trees had been thrown on top of each other; there were screams of agony coming from below.**_

**O God!**

_**But I never reached the forest. Instead I landed on a cloud and my skin was back to normal. Aanaya was next to me; I cried out with relief. **_

"_**Why am I not in hell?" I questioned.**_

"_**Because God did not think it was your time."**_

"_**So I'm not dead, it was all dream."**_

"_**No John you did die, God just decided it wasn't your time so he sent me to pull you out of there."**_

"_**I'm going to go back there?"**_

"_**Yes John, you did commit suicide, you are damned there when you die again."**_

"_**What!"**_

_**She looked at me sadly. "God also decided that we should never see each other again. Good bye, John." My vision swirled and I slowly returned to conscience.**_

**A/N:** Jolly whoop I'm done! Though I must admit this is probably the worst chapter yet! I took the liberty and changed hell. This hell is from the Divine Comedy of Dante Alighiere. Lovely, Lovely book you should all read it! O and those of you that have read the book I changed Minos character a bit because I didn't know what he would say without Dante being there, anyway REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW.

Love always,

Grey

Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of those rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs. I am haunted by waters-Norman Maclean (A River Runs Through it)


	3. Haunted

**Title**: Eternal

**Chapter**: 3 Haunted

**Rating**: Teen, because of suicide and other things

**Chapter Summary**: Based off the Evanescence song Haunted. John is safe for now, but he can feel Lucifer is waiting for his return.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything that looks/sounds familiar. I did this for my own enjoyment so please don't sue me.

**A/N**: Man it's been forever since I've updated this story! I must apologise for not updating my computer crashed. Then we got it fixed in time for school. THEN I was wieghed down with home work from all my Acadimic Honors classes and my dad had to go to court so I had to go and testify against him and blah blah blah I've basically been running my ass off the past several months so please forgive me. Updates will be rare because I have 4 weeks of acting camp. 1 week of driving school. Several trips I need to go on and to top it all off I have bass lessons. So please find it in your heart to forgive me! As always John's POV and my writing is not that great and blah blah blah I'm rambling so I'll just get to writng now!

**Thanks**: to my beta reader desolatestate!

_Long lost words whisper slowly to me_

_Still can't find what keeps me here_

_When all this time I've been so hollow inside_

_I know you're still there_

_Watching me, wanting me_

_I can feel you pull me down_

_Fearing you loving you_

_I won't let you pull me down_

_Hunting you I can smell you - alive_

_Your heart pounding in my head_

_Watching me, wanting me_

_I can feel you pull me down_

_Saving me, raping me, watching me_

_Watching me, wanting me_

_I can feel you pull me down_

_Fearing you... loving you_

_I won't let you pull me down_

I woke up in the hospital, my mom next to me. She looked tired, angry, sad but most of all lost, like if she were to lose me she would tumble into a dark abyss. I reached out and touched her hand gently. She jerked out of her thoughts and looked at me. A look of happiness came across her face, but that lost, hopeless look still remained in her eyes.

"How are you?" she asked after a moment of ackward silence.

I sollowed thickly. "Fine" I said. She nodded as though she understood, but I could tell she was confused.(**Good lets keep it that way.**)

Another moment of ackward silence fell between us. Until that is my mother decided to break it.

"Why'd you do it, John?" she asked suddenly.

"...I-I...I don't know" I said.(**Lie. Liar! Why can't you tell her the truth?**)

**Because she wouldn't understand. She'd lock me up.**

I was realesed two days later. I didn't get alot of visitors. Becky came once, but she was distant. Like i was someone she didn't know. My dad never came (**Psh like I expected him to).**

I was ,of course, now required to see a pschiatrist. (**Not a big surprise**). His name was Dr. Schobal. (**Heh more like Dr. Douch-bag!**) That man needed a pschiatrist more then me.

"Hello, John, My name is Dr.Schobal." Dr.Douch-bag said. He was a tall, thin, balding man in his late forties.

I smirked at him. "Fine" I said forcefully (**Man this is going to be a loooooong fucking hour!**)

"So...lets get started. Why don't you tell me something about yourself?" he said looking through some file.

I smirked again at the opprotunity to be a smart-ass. "Well doctor," I said while acting serious,"I frequntly enjoy fucking my dog and-" he coughed loudly.

"There will be enough of that. We can do this the easy way or the hard way." he said looking at me through his thick glasses.

And so it went he asked me questions I'd be a smart-ass, but evantually he was able to pester the answers out of me.

I went back to school. Me and Becky continued to walk together but it would be a silient and ackward walk. Sometimes we would conversate. She slowly quit talking to me and eventually she stopped walking to school with me. I never thought I could miss her so much. Every night I cursed myself for letting her get away.

And Aanaya like she said never came back. My dreams were now full of monsters. There was no way of escaping them now. I missed her dearly, I wish I had heeded her warning.

Sometimes I would see her in my dreams, but it wasn't really her. It was just one of them teasing me with her image. Sometimes they would try to get me to try and kill myself again. But I never wanted to go back there again. Ever. I could still feel my skin being turned into bark.

One day when I stepped out of the shower, I was met face to face with a man in a white suite. He sneered at me.

"H-ho-how did you get in here?" I asked remembering that I locked the door.

"Ha Johnny boy don't act like you don't know me!" the man said smiling all of a sudden. I just shook my head. "Hmph well how about this," he turned around and changed into a demon like creature except bigger and much more threatening. I, being so used to seeing them, began thinking and everthing clicked into place.

"Your Lucifer..." I said slowly. He nodded smiling that sadistic smirk of his. He came closer to me. I backed up into the wall.

"Your mine John! I just thought I might let you know that." he said in my ear. His breath was putrid. He licked my cheek and was gone. I shivered.

**What the hell was that! **

**A/N: **looks into huge abyss HELLO ANYONE STILL THERE? Prolly not. I just thought I might clear this up. THIS IS NOT A SLASH! OKAY! I have absolutly no idea where that Lucifer scene came from ,but, well, I don't know honestly. I'm sorry It's sooooo short it's been awhile that I've written anything. Oh and I've been working without a spell checker so I guessed on most words. PLEASE DON'T HURT ME! Also I haven't listened to Evanescence in months literally so i had refresh all of that. Soooooo ummmmm the usual REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!

Blessed be,

Grey

Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of those rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs. I am haunted by waters-Norman Maclean (A River Runs Through it)


End file.
